Refuge

I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust!”

Psalm 91:2 ESV

I don’t know about you, but I am tired of the anxiety of not knowing when everything will be upended again. Through 2020, 2021, and even now this unpredictability has almost become predictable. I’m also exhausted from the division and hatred, the violence, and never knowing which side will “win”. My nervous system is fried.

I am fully aware that the only way I am doing life is because I have a God I trust. There is no division, hatred, or violence in His presence There is one side and one truth- God’s. I can breathe and be safe here. My hands don’t tremble. My thinking is clear. I am able to call to mind that I am physically in this world, but I don’t belong to this world. As someone who loves Jesus, I am a citizen of heaven and while I am here, God is my refuge and my fortress.

Refuge: Life-giving and protecting, beautiful and untouched, safe.

Fortress: Strong, sturdy, and unable to be breached.

Right here, right now I am safe in His refuge and fortress. I can take that breath, close my eyes, and feel the truth of this. Even as the news tells of changes in masking regulations, when I hear the rage expressed at a different opinion, as I talk to my neighbor about her fear of her Black son driving across the country alone, and when I sit close to my daughter as I describe another mass shooting, I can trust.

I am not ignoring the unpredictability of this virus, the division over opinions, the hatred for those who aren’t the same as “us,” or death-this is all real. It is all here. But so is God. His trustworthy comfort, strength, and protection are real and here.

My refuge.

My fortress.

This is how I do this day, how we do this day.

This is how, when the day is done, I can sleep and dream and hope.